Last week, Alice completed her second week of TMS treatments. Anyone completing TMS treatments are given questionnaires to gauge the levels of depression and anxiety. On Alice’s first week her PHQ-9 and GAD-7 scores were incredibly high, but at the beginning of her second week the scores has already dropped by 21 points! Alice also took a DNA test that revealed the best psychiatric medications for her particular make-up. Within 72 hours, the testing modality, Genesight, sent Alice the findings of the DNA test and based on her results, she feels hopeful.

Alice has been giving herself permission to relax, something that does not come naturally to her. She feels more comfortable to sit and read a book or to go outside and just breathe without thinking of her to-do list. Though she feels decreased anxiety, she still feels an air of sadness surrounding her. Completing these treatments without the support of her family is difficult for Alice and she often feels alone. 

At the end of her tenth treatment, Alice was struck by the thought that these treatments could just be a temporary bandage. What if at the end of the 7th week, she feels just as she had before? What if she always feels this way. The ‘what-ifs’ swirling in her mind consumed her and she was reminded of her sudden divorce. There was a time in which they promised to be there for each other ‘for better or for worse’. Sometimes Alice wishes that she could be hit with a bout of amnesia so she could forget all of the hard times and start anew. 

Still, Alice moves forward with her life. Making cookies, running some miles, snuggling her pets and smiling through it all. 

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